Thin Line
by Jessica Jewell
Summary: There is a thin line between love and lust. A Yamato/Daisuke centric fic that doesn't really explain much.


Daisuke wasn't sure that going home with Yamato that night was his best idea. Actually, he was sure it was one of his worst. He had agreed to go for two reason - one, he had a giant crush on the blond haired boy, and two, he wanted to spite Sora. Perhaps they weren't the greatest reasons, but he was tired of being treated like a child. Tired of having to answer to someone else's views on how he should live his life. Dammit, if he wanted to go home with a boy, then he would!

Of course, he had never expected that as soon as the door was closed behind him that Yamato would shove him against his wall and kiss him roughly. The entire walk up had been silent, as Yamato had made no moves to speak and Daisuke was unsure of what too say. But obviously the time for talking was over.

Yamato knew what he was doing, and it was apparent that he didn't care if Daisuke knew or not. He did the leading, and Daisuke followed. Shirts were lost, followed by bottoms, until both participants were naked on the bed.

Yamato moved with experience, kissing and sucking on every inch of Daisuke. Daisuke was enjoying it until the finger slipped inside him. He squeaked in pain, but was quickly assured that it would only hurt for a little bit. All he needed was to bare it out, and it would get better. Yet, it didn't. But that was Daisuke's own fault. He couldn't get himself to relax. He was tense, afraid, and most af all, naive.

But none of that affected Yamato. Yamato continued having his way, and Daisuke let him.

After all, it was what Daisuke had followed him home for.

* * *

><p>Daisuke was afraid, yet he wasn't. Sex was never the wonderful thing he had hoped it would be, but it was Yamato's addiction. At least once a week,<p>

Yamato would invite Daisuke over. They hardly spoke. It was babble when they did. And it was always Daisuke that tried to do the talking.

Yamato only wanted one thing. And soon, Daisuke quit trying to talk to him. Daisuke showed up, usually in the mid-day, when Sora was at her second class of the day, and Yamato would fuck him however he pleased.

It never changed really. There was never foreplay - Yamato hardly made it to his bedroom with Daisuke still clothed. Daisuke ended up with his face in a pillow as Yamato plunged deep into him. But Daisuke didn't mind. The pillow muffled his cries and was a great collector of the tears that fell.

When Yamato was done, he always kissed Daisuke's cheek lightly, like a lover would, and then left. Daisuke, shortly after, would collect his things, dress, and leave.

Of course, what scared Daisuke most, was the strange pleasure he got from being used. He wished he wasn't being used, don't mistake this, but... he enjoyed it. Of course, this enjoyment came from the fact he was with Yamato.

* * *

><p>Daisuke was becoming attached to Yamato, which was probably his second worst decision. Ever. Because Yamato was not attached to him.<br>He was not masochistic. In fact, Daisuke hated pain. Could hardly stand it. But he wanted Yamato.

Yamato was kind - he came to dinner and held conversation with Daisuke then. Always polite, teasing Sora with inside jokes and about Joe, who would just smirk whenever he was mentioned.

Yamato was sweet - He'd made chicken noodle soup once when Daisuke was sick. He had Sora take it home to him, with a wish to get better soon. Of course, Daisuke knew the wish was so he could have his fuck buddy back again, but it was still a sweet thing to do.

Yamato was egotistical and knew he was sexy and wanted, but he was a good man. Donating to charities and helping the homeless.

He simply had a horrible sin for lust, and a lack of understanding for love and relationships in general.

Daisuke knew the he wasn't the only one in Yamato's bed. There were many others, some still asleep in other rooms when Daisuke went over. But Daisuke couldn't stop going. He couldn't stop being used.

He loved Yamato, for all the things he was when he was Yamato. Not for all the things he was when he was the famous, rich, and sexy singer.

* * *

><p>Daisuke felt broken. Yamato had just been kissing him moments ago under the street light outside. It was a gentle kiss, one that Daisuke rarely got, but when he did, he charished them. It was a kiss that made it seem like Yamato loved him back. But now, back inside the club that Sora had drug them all to, Daisuke watched, completely helpless, as Yamato ran his hand down the girl's back, to her butt, while he kissed her deeply.<p>

Daisuke _was_ broken. He didn't just feel it. This love he felt was one sided. He'd been wanting, for so long, to be proven wrong. But again and again he was proven right. He knew Yamato would never change - why would he need to when his life was perfect as it was? Sure, he didn't love, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy his life any less. Hell, by the looks of it, he was surely enjoying life.

Unsure of himself, Daisuke could only watch Yamato. He wasn't even sure of what his facial expression was - he'd gone numb. The numbness went even deeper, to his heart, when Yamato broke away from the kiss and looked directly at him.

No. Daisuke was deluding himself. Yamato wasn't actually looking at him, just in his direction. Knowing Yamato, he probably didn't even notice that Daisuke was standing there. But still... the thought that Yamato could make eye contact with him and be unphased... It hurt. It was almost a physical pain within him.

Daisuke needed to leave... Needed to get some air, and get away from the club.

So he did. He wasn't even aware the he had left the club until he felt the cold air on his face. Icy... Hurting... It felt wonderful. It felt like he, himself, did. Cold. Lonely. Afraid. Yet wanting. Daisuke wasn't even sure why he started running, but he had. And instead of trying to control himself, he let his body lead.

He ran as if he knew all the turns this giant city had to offer, which was untrue. Daisuke was still new to the area, barely living here a year. And the city being so big...

He just ran, taking random corners, pausing only for cars that he knew wouldn't stop for him. And then he ran some more. The cold air was brittle, bitter, and biting, but that didn't phase him. He refused to let it. He embraced the cold, the numb. He didn't think, he didn't want too.

And then he stopped.

Just like that.

It was like his legs refused to move any farther. As if they had been thinking and leading, knowing exactly where they were going. Daisuke didn't have the strength to lift his legs anymore. So he let them collapse beneath him, leaving him sprawled on grass. When had he left the pavement? Where was he?

He lifted his head, and let out a harsh laugh, one void of all humor. It was a bitter laugh of irony.

He was lying in the grass in front of Yamato's house.

* * *

><p>Daisuke hated himself for how much he loved Yamato. The wounds cut deep. Especially when Yamato could take someone else out on a date just to invite Daisuke over later to fuck him.<p>

Yes... Yamato had a girlfriend. A steady relationship, which Taichi often said wouldn't last long.

Was a month long?

To Daisuke, it was an eternity. What did she have that he did not? Why was he not good enough for Yamato? What was he missing? He was giving Yamato all he could in bed, yet it didn't work. Yamato was still uninterested in anything except sex. Fucking.

And Daisuke was so tired of loving someone who would never love him back.

What did Mimi have that he did not?

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

Daisuke's entire world shattered after he uttered that word. He didn't want to, every fiber of his mind and body told him to take the word back, to change his mind. But his heart told him that if he did, he would lose everything.

"No?" was Yamato's reply, in a puzzled tone.

"I won't." Not anymore.

"Why now? You had no problems before!" was Yamato... raising his voice? Was he mad at Daisuke for denying him. Daisuke didn't want him mad. Oh god, that was the last thing he wanted. Once again, his body willed him to bite back his words, but Daisuke knew that he couldn't. His heart was in control now.

"Are you mad?"

"Of course! You led me on, thinking that we could-"

Daisuke quit listening as anger filled him, too. He had led Yamto on? What! No. Yamato had led him on, wanting sex, taking sex, needing sex, but never once returning anything. Friendly chats at the dinner table when others were around? That wasn't good enough!

"NO!" Daisuke exploded, pent up emotions drowning him now. "No more! I won't be your toy, your tool, your method of cheating! You're with Mimi now! No more."

"You had no problem when I was with Taichi!"

"YOU WERE NEVER WITH TAICHI! Don't delude yourself. It was lies, everyone knows it. Don't you dare turn this into a pity you session, because I won't fall for it. I won't be used anymore. All you do is take - you take what you want, how you want, and when you want. It doesn't matter to you that I might have feelings. That I might be hurting. Sex hurts still. It never got better, like you said it would! You never cared! You never asked!" Daisuke was raging now, and Yamato, for once, was silent. "I can't be used anymore. For my own sanity, for my heart, I'm leaving. I won't let you anymore.

"God dammit Yamato, I love you! I've loved you for so long now, and for what? I thought I would be content just being your fuck buddy, but I'm not. And even though it's the only way to be with you, I don't want it anymore. I want you to love me back. To hold me gently, and care for me, and take me to dinner, ask how my day was, hug me when I cry at night. I want you to make love to me, instead of fucking my brains out until you're pleased!

"I won't be Mimi's back up because she doesn't put out! What does she have that I don't? A vagina! I don't get it Yamato, I don't understand! No one knows you better then I do! No one! And yet, I'm still just... nothing. And..." Daisuke's voice was raspy, shaking, and tears fell as he continued. "and I'm tired of being nothing. I've been a nothing my whole life. But no more! I-I'm gonna be a something, and I'm gonna be someone's someone one day. A-and I c-can't b-b-be that w-with y-you! I just c-c-can't!

"I hate myself! I h-hate me! Because I can't h-hate you, because I'm so in love with all the good things that you are! You're loyal to friends and family, your courage, your strength, you aren't afraid of anything, and, and..." Daisuke trailed off, eyes wide as he looked to Yamato, who was staring at him as if he was a ghost.

Daisuke became afraid.

So, he did the only thing he could when he was afraid.

He ran.

* * *

><p>"S-Sora?"<p>

"Daisuke! Oh my God, where are you? We've been looking everywhere! Oh dear God, we thought-"

"I'm fine, Sora. I just lost my cell phone somewhere. I... I don't know where I am. I ran, and I just kept running, and, and, and..." Daisuke stopped and took a shaky breath so he could continue. "And I just want you to find me. I'll be in a cafe on the corner of Oak and James, it's called Moonlit Dragon."

And he hung up before Sora could say more.

* * *

><p>When Sora found Daisuke, he took her to a quiet booth in the back and spilled absolutely everything. And Sora listened. And when it was over, she held Daisuke and let him cry more.<p>

She didn't even say I told you so.

Daisuke was thankful for that.

* * *

><p>Daisuke wasn't sure how Yamato would react. It had been seven weeks since they had last spoken, and they hadn't parted in a good manner. But Daisuke needed to face Yamato, to see if he was truly over him. Daisuke was sure he had convinced himself that he was over him.<p>

But seeing him would be the final test.

He wasn't expecting to see a Yamato whose hair was not done. Whose face had dark circles under it. Who looked thinner then before, but only slightly.

He wasn't expecting his heart to still skip a beat when Yamato's blue eyes met his own.

This was a mistake. He wasn't over Yamato. He should leave.

But he couldn't, because Yamato grabbed his arm. Daisuke braced himself for hateful words, perhaps even being hit, but neither came. Instead, Yamato pulled him close, hugging him tightly, one hand stroking the back of his head softly.

"Dear god, I'm so sorry Daisuke. I never... I NEVER meant to make you feel that way. I was, am, selfish. I care only for myself. I... I don't expect you to forgive me. But... God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so sorry," Yamato kept apologizing, but Daisuke was not listening. When Daisuke wrapped his arms around Yamato, all talking stopped. "Daisuke..."

"Yamato..." the younger boy looked up to the rock star, a sad expression on his face. "I... I forgive you. But... I... can't be with you."

Yamato looked heartbroken, but his expression also held understanding. "I... figured as much. Will you come in?" Daisuke tensed, so Yamato quickly added, "so we can talk. Nothing else."

Daisuke was wary, after all, they had never just "talked." At least, not when there was only two of them in the house. But he complied, entering the house to see it in such a state that he was mortified.

The house was filthy. Clothes left about, plates and such. Daisuke could hardly believe his eyes. What in the world happened to Yamato these past seven weeks. It wasn't even two months! And his life had become a disaster! He couldn't even pick up after himself? And then, Daisuke saw it.

It was just a syringe on the counter, but that was all Daisuke needed to know. Why else would Yamato have a syringe, when he was terrified of needles?

Daisuke sat on the couch, Yamato in the chair. They faced each other, but neither made the first attempt to talk. It was a long silence, until, finally, Yamato spoke.

"Nothing I can say could make up for what I did... I-"

"Stop right there," Daisuke said. He could tell that Yamato was surprised by the way he raised his eyebrows slightly. Daisuke knew why. Daisuke, himself, was different then he had been seven weeks ago, last they met. He'd grown more, become more mature. "I also have my blame here. You weren't the only one who did this. It's not like you ever raped me, I was willing. It was... I'm at fault."

"No!" Yamato said quickly, "no, you aren't. I didn't even stop to think that... that it might bother you. I never... Daisuke, I... I never saw you..." He couldn't finsih. Daisuke knew why. The ending of that sentence was something Daisuke didn't want to hear... Yet, he did. So, for the first time in his life, he was cold.

"Say it." Daisuke demanded, which was something the boy never did.

"Huh?"

"I want you to say it. I'm already sure I know what you're going to say. So say it. You never saw me as a what, Yamato?"

"As... as a person... A person..."

"A person with emotions. Right?" Daisuke was convinced by Yamato's silence. "It was like I was a living doll, void of emotions. I... think I knew that from the beginning, but still... it hurts. And... And I think there is nothing we need to talk about. We are way to different. You let this ruin you - you fell so far, Yamato. Just look around you." Daisuke stood, gesturing to the mess. "I became stronger. I hardened myself, just a little, so that I could protect myself. Do you think this is what love is about? Love doesn't force others to become nothing. Love-"

"Daisuke," Yamato's quiet voice made Daisuke stop. "I... understand. Love drove you on, but not me. Just promise me one thing." Daisuke was silent. He couldn't say he would promise, but he would listen to what Yamato had to say. "Promise that if we ever meet again, it will be new. Like we've never met before. So we can start over, and become what we are meant. Even if it is just friends."

Daisuke was quiet. Then he spoke.

"I won't promise... but what the future holds is a mystery. Perhaps we will meet again, and perhaps we will not. I just hope that if we meet again... your life is a better one."

And Daisuke left, and he never looked back.

* * *

><p>"As fun as this night has been, I have to go," Daisuke grinned at his friends (he finally made more then one). "It's late, and I've got two clients tomorrow morning."<p>

"Ah, come on, Dai! You are all work lately! What's up with that?" Miyako laughed heartily, then took a drink of sake.

"Well, I can't tell you why," Daisuke grinned, "but I can say that I think I'm making progress with the girl. She's opened up so much. I'd hate to disappoint her by showing up with a hangover. Don't worry, next Friday I can drink all you guys want - I don't work next Saturday."

"I'll walk you out," Sora smiled and stood, with a little difficulty. After all, it wasn't easy to get off the ground while pregnant.

Daisuke smiled, offering his arm to Sora.

At the door, Sora suddenly embraced him. "Dai... Oh, it's amazing how much has changed over these past eight years. I can hardly believe it. And you... you are the most surprising of all."

Daisuke gave a small smile as he stepped from her embrace. "I know. But I promised that I would better myself, and I have. Just look at me. I'm twenty-four, one of the youngest psychiatrists in the profession. Can you believe I finished eight years of schooling and interning in only six?"

"Oh yeah. You've always been counted an underdog, Dai. It's just amazing to see you the top dog. All this time, you've been hiding so much."

"Me? You are the one married with a five year old, three year old, and twins on the way! Who would've believe free-spirited Sora could be tamed into a housewife? I always knew you'd be a good mom, you raised me practically!, but I never thought I'd see you pregnant even once, nonetheless three times!"

Sora laughed good-humoredly. "I see where you are coming from. Just remember, I still think of you as my oldest child." She gave a grin that told she was joking. "Get home and get some sleep. You're going to need it."

Daisuke nodded and left, the door closing behind him.

His walk was quiet, and he kept his head down. Not because he was embarrassed to raise it, but because he was still a klutz and needed to watch his feet.

He never expected the impact he felt. He instantly fell onto his rear, looking up to see what he'd walked into. And he seriously hoped it wasn't a pole or tree, 'cause that would be embarrassing.

"Whoa, sorry about that," the tall, non-pole/tree he'd walked into said. "Let me help you." A hand was offered and Daisuke stood.

"Thanks," Daisuke flashed the man a smile, and then got a good look at him. Daisuke's eyes widened slighty at the sight he saw. And, he realized, that the person he was looking at noticed it, too.

Daisuke and Yamato stared at each other for a moment. Daisuke looked Yamato over. Healthy as he'd ever been, still extremely tall.

Daisuke let a small smile grace his lips, then he extended his hand. "I'm Daisuke."

Yamato smiled, too. "Yamato. Pleased to meet you."

**A/N I'm sure there are a few thoughts in your mind. So let me state some things. I didn't give backgrounds... I just kind typed. These are the ideas for this story - **

**1. Daisuke's parents are gone (dead/abandoned him, I don't know). Therefore, Sora has raised him.**

**2. I don't know how Sora and Daisuke met... They just did.**

**3. Yes, Yamato is famous and yes, he knows Sora. They were friends once, which was my reasoning for Daisuke picking Yamato to be the one to take him home. I don't know why he was upset at Sora...**


End file.
